Finding a hottie in Athens may be easier than you thought.

alright mo’s,

so you want to know where to meet hot guys in athens, and you don’t want to go to the local gay bar.

first off, you’re right. the gay bar sucks for meeting people. at least people for sex, or relationships, or relationships that might one day lead to sex. it could be because people there are lame. i’m lame, and i go, so that’s probably why. in any event, in the years i’ve lived here, i’ve never met anyone at the local gay bar that led to anything. i think it’s something about being around fifty people you kind-of sort-of know that makes it impossible to hit on anyone.

but not to worry. back when i was a freshman, i had maybe one date every three months, and each one was something i got really excited and nervous about. two months ago, i set up five dates with five different people on five consecutive days because i was bored and felt like doing it. i look the same then as i do now, it’s just there’s a trick to it. which hopefully i’ll explain.

GENERAL RULE #1: put aside all the crap you have in mind about what you think the person is going to be like, and where you think the person you’d be attracted to is likely to hang out. you probably find yourself in all kinds of weird places where you find yourself uncomfortable. so do the people you could hit it off with. go everywhere. don’t worry about what people will think. don’t just sit in Nowhere Bar all day long because you think one day your pool-playing doppel-ganger will come in. maybe he plays in the Tate center. maybe he’s on facebook. be everywhere.

More after the bump.GENERAL RULE #2: nobody’s just after sex. the people who act like they’re just after sex are actually having sex in the hopes that they’ll find someone for a relationship, or more frequently, not having sex at all and just pretending. the only people i know who have tons and tons and tons of hookups are impossible to distinguish with the naked eye. so don’t avoid places because the people seem sketchball. everyone’s sketchball. given the right circumstances, you would be sketchball. whether you’re at a star trek convention or a leather party, 95% of the population is equally sketchball. so relax, and talk to everyone. college is not high school. you don’t have a fixed identity. be everything.

GENERAL RULE #3: don’t rely on friends. don’t ask friends to set you up with people. don’t ask friends to talk to people you think are interesting. friends suck at this. setting up friends is a lost art, as in, lost lost. it isn’t coming back. do it yourself. friends are a crutch. note that this does not apply to gay friends. gay friends can introduce you all day long. they still suck at it, but not quite bad enough to make it pointless.

PLACES TO MEET PEOPLE BESIDES BLUR:

you probably want something more practical than the stuff above, so i’ll just run through all of the types of places i met people who i liked enough to date.

ORGANIZATIONS

obvious. there’s lots of them. there’s lambda, which you’ve already heard of, queer graduate group, the queer athletic group, the vet school group, and so on. they all have vastly different types of people and it may vary from meeting to meeting. stop in for a few of the more popular events, and ditch if it gets lame.

PLACES OVERRUN WITH QUEERS BUT WHICH AREN’T EXPLICITLY AIMED AT THEM

mixed crowds are the best. this is where you’ll find the widest range of people, because people who aren’t quite out to the entire world will feel comfortable going to these places. the scene varies… a year or two ago it was krush girls. now, maybe mercury lounge or go bar, but probably somewhere else. the ramsey weight room: overrun! ask to alternate sets with someone using the bench press. maybe they’ll chat you up, maybe not, find out. hit up concerts by artists with a big queer following: metric, ani difranco. the places where the mixed crowd hangs out will shift, but if you pay attention, you’ll find these places.

CRASH SOME PARTIES

queer people in athens love having their parties crashed. if you hear about a gay friend of a friend of a friend throwing a party, go. the more degrees of separation, the more reason to go, because it’s all the more likely you’ll meet someone you wouldn’t have encountered otherwise. and for that reason, all the more happy they are to meet you. talk to everyone. if you’re not having fun, leave.

TO BE CONTINUED…

i’m told that in the modern world nobody can handle reading anything longer than 1000 words, and thus i must continue my exposition tomorrow.