they are out there

In case you missed part 1, here it is.

hello mo’s,

yesterday, i set out to answer, and probably failed, the common query for the young gay homosexual man who wants to meet other hot young gay homosexual men because he, quote, does not do the bar scene.

of course you do the bar scene.  what you mean is, you don’t do THAT bar scene.  that’s ok.  it’s probably the same people who were there last week, and i certainly didn’t ask any of them out.  no judgment here!  at the same time though, due to the sheer power of numbers, you’re not gonna have better luck at Bourbon Street.  (p.s. firehouse and barcode on the other hand…!)  thus, i continue attempting to give you insight as to where to go on your journey of searching for the hot mens, and specifically, hot mens who look and act kind of like you.  it’s an understandable problem, really. for example, if you’re super frat-tastic and you want fellow fratty guys, well, joining an actual frat will just mean a lot of time watching what you can’t have. after the hazing is over, anyway. (p.s. delta t….)

so, without further ado, (adue?) more places to go besides Blur, or Detour, or whatever they’re calling it now:

THE INTERWEBS

There is no shortage of social networking sites

don’t be a hater. you have a range of sketchiness of course: facebook, gay.co

m, manhunt.net, etc. again, rule number two: everyone’s either looking for a relationship or pretending not to. closeted people aren’t going to be visible on facebook, so if you want to meet everyone, and not just the people who are out to all of their friends and family, try the more obscure web sites. create a few free dating profiles and you’ll have tons of dates ready to go with people so similar to you you might get a little bit freaked out.  want someone who’s also a math grad student and who also likes Snow Patrol and who also likes to get spanked while wearing a bunny rabbit costume?  the internet is it!  imagine trying to find that 200 years ago!  people in the 1800’s had to go to the town well to search for that!  Snow Patrol wasn’t even born yet!  they were screwed from the outset, really.

if you do use facebook, or stumble on someone you like on there, don’t be a little bitch and click the poke option. send them a message telling them you do or have an interest in something they do. don’t just tell them you think something they do is cool. give them something to ask you about. people usually put the most obvious things about their life on their profile, and thus they’re usually tired of answering questions about whatever it is. identify something else to talk about. this goes for real life too.

START YOUR OWN GODDAMN WHATEVER IT IS

start a club or a frat or sports team or something. if you want to meet people like you, we live in the best age ever for finding people like you. you want to meet other gay judo black belts? other gay D&D players? use the internet! start a club! they’re out there. if there’s not a space for you to go, create it and bring them to you.

FRAT PARTIES

i don’t really go to these very much cause i don’t have the frat boy fantasy everyone else seems to have, but if you do, jesus your lord and savior has blessed you with weekly opportunities to meet 50 or so drunk and sexually frustrated young men with free music and free booze.  wait about an hour for all of the straight ones to pair off with girls, and then go to work.  again, not my thing, but if you want water, go to the sink.

also, some frat parties require an invitation.  this does not really mean invitation. it means bring a hot girl with you.  it won’t get you past a downtown dress code, but it will get you into a frat party.  walk in like you own the place.

some more general rules…

GENERAL RULE #5

ignore the advice given to straight people. places that work for them won’t work for you. typical restaurants, coffee shops, art galleries, whatever, won’t work unless those are places that happen to be popular among the queer set. at least in, say, the ramsey weight room, you have a 25% chance that the guy you’re talking to is someone you could conceivably have sex with. regular places will drop it down to ten or five. don’t deal yourself bad odds. straight people have the luxury of sitting back and chatting up the attractive people that stumble by them. if you do that as a gay person, you’ll go on one date every twelve months. fuck that. go out and meet some people and do it on purpose.

GENERAL RULE #6

don’t pay attention to the clothes they wear, or other obvious, easily changed aspects of their appearance. clothes are something you exploit to get people to talk to you, but don’t let them be something that prevents you from talking to them. yes, this sounds obvious and trite and patronizing. but i see lots of people, particularly fratty people and indie rockers (although this phenomenon is not limited to them) avoid ridiculously good looking people because they didn’t portray the right image. nobody does a very good job of projecting the right image. whatever lifestyle you think will come across in someone’s most immediate outward appearance often doesn’t. all of the stuff you’re looking for probably isn’t going to be actively broadcasted; you’ll have to find alternative ways of identifying and searching for it. if you’re looking for people who go camping and know how to start a fire in the woods, you’re much better off typing in a facebook search with “camping” as an interest than looking for people wearing North Face windbreakers, and yet, the latter is the kind of approach people take. it’s inefficient. instead, whatever it is you like to do, ask them to do it with you.

GENERAL RULE #7

shoot big. if you only set up one date with one person two weeks from now, your whole life will revolve around it, and you’ll be so nervous that you’ll probably fuck it up. so go on more than one. you’ll be more relaxed because at least if you fuck up on date #1, guy #2 is meeting you for lunch next monday at that cookie joint at the intersection of clayton and broad.

as a side note, i actually hate dating. it feels more like a necessary evil to meet someone cool for something more substantive. the only way i can tolerate it is to always go to a nice restaurant, because hey, at least i’m eating something tasty, and the end of the meal is an easy place to end the date and go home if it isn’t going well. on that note, DON’T do a movie as a first date. terrible idea. if you like them, you’ll wish you were able to talk to them, and if you don’t, it’s two horrible hours of close proximity. sitting across from someone at a table is much better for getting to know them.  you have a barrier, but it’s small.  a conversational condom, if you will.

CONCLUSIONS

you should have picked up on the overriding theme here: figure out what you want and be proactive about getting it, don’t be a little bitch, don’t be afraid to play with your own identity by checking out a bunch of new spaces, and search for the partly-hidden signs of the personality you’re after so you don’t end up with some charlatan.

next week’s topic, in the unusual event i get asked to write again for GayInAthens.com: I’ve Got a Date, What the Fuck Do I Do Now?