GayInAthens.com is committed to being a resource for Athens, Georgia’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community. As such, we maintain a question-and-answer service called Ask Athens. This is your place to ask our panel of writers and community leaders about issues that affect you. And you can do so anonymously. So, next time you’ve got a question, be our guest and submit your question.

GayInAthens.com reader ATLgayBoy sent the following:

So I’m Gay! I’ve secretly known it forever, but like most spent the better part of 20 years repressing those thoughts and desires only to turn 20 and decide to explore them. I’ve given in and come out to myself. I feel great and these past 8 months have been liberating and exciting. I started coming out to my close friends and people I can truly trust. I feels so much better not to have to lie to myself when I see an attractive guy at the beach or watch porn and focus on the guys package and call it “research”. We’ve all done it or at the very least I hope we have. My problem now is in several things. The first being, I want a relationship but I don’t know how to get one. I know I’m attracted to guys and I really want to meet one and become romantically and sexually involved. However I’m still at that stage where I’m out to myself and best friends, but not to anyone else. Could this be what’s primarily holding me back? Do I have to be out to God and everybody before I’ll meet that right guy? The next thing is, where can I meet this guy? I’ve never been to a gay bar or anywhere else in the gay community. To be perfectly honest with you, I’ve never been with a guy ever. Only girls. I want to feel a guys lips up against mine. His hand reach down my pants and grab my ….. you get the point. I need a “fairy” god mother to show me the ropes or at least how I can get tied up in some. Any help or advice would be awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, ATLgayBoy, first let me say that I’m excited to hear that you have entered a stage in your life where you can be honest with yourself. Coming out to ourselves is the most important step in the entire process. Like you, I spent the better part of my life telling myself I was going to hell for thinking what I thought. I would cry myself to sleep some nights. Also like you, I finally hit a point and said to myself, “I need to be happy.” And being yourself is what accomplishes that.

Let’s address your issues point-by-point:

Issue 1: I want a relationship but I don’t know how to get one.

First, know that real, lasting, involved relationships take work. Many people I talk to are actually looking for hook-ups, not relationships. Decide what you’re looking for first, and then you can proceed. If you want a relationship, proceed to Issue 3.

Issue 2: Do I have to be out to God and everybody before I’ll meet that right guy?

No, not necessarily. But being closeted does place stress on some relationships. You must be out enough to go out and meet people, whether you do so via the Internet or by clubbing, etc. Being out on Facebook will open up a new world of gay men. You’d be surprised how well that social networking site works as a means of finding other guys. If you absolutely need to be discreet and anonymous, sites such as Craigslist offer a degree of anonymity. It also offers you the opportunity to specify what you’re looking for. But keep in mind, often times what the Craigslist crowd is seeking out is simply hook-ups.

Issue 3: The next thing is, where can I meet this guy?

If a relationship is what you desire, start putting yourself out there. There are sites – such as ManHunt.com and Gay.com – that offer online dating services. Atlanta has a number of gay bars. Also, just go out and do things you enjoy. You’re bound to stumble on at least a few gay men. If you’re having trouble finding us, go to a coffee shop, book store, art gallery, or sporting event. Those seem to be good attractors at least in the Athens area.