I was chit-chatting with a couple friends after dinner a couple weeks ago, and we got to talking about how there’s a lot of talk out there about “how to get a guy/gal,” but the focus too infrequently is on how to maintain a relationship. I think there are a couple reasons for this:

1 – The idea that, “We can’t get married, so why should we bother trying?” Sure, we can’t get married in Georgia – yet! But that doesn’t mean we should avoid long-term relationships. If you find yourself in a relationship that feels “right,” I’m personally of the mindset that you should at least try to foster it. Now, that’s assuming that you’re interested in long-term relationships. Let’s face it – some of us just aren’t that into the idea of settling down F O R E V E R with one person, but others are. Don’t let the title of marriage get in the way of what you want.

2 – The idea that gay relationships never last that long anyways. Wrong – flat out. There are plenty of gay relationships that are quite long-term, and yes, gay couples often span lifetimes. In Athens alone, I know of at least a couple dozen gay partnerships that have persisted more than a decade. What you see on television may represent gays as perpetually promiscuous – and even sometimes devoid of a sexual life – but that’s not necessarily the case. Gay relationships endure just like straight relationships.

In it for the long haul

If you’ve been struggling in a relationship that’s teetering on the edge of becoming a long-term, committed relationship, there are a few things you need to think about. Here are the questions I play in my own head with regularity.

1 – Do I love, like unconditionally love, this person? If your answer is yes, then you probably ought to give this whole lifetime commitment a shot. But if your answer is no, or “I don’t know!”, there’s still a chance that things could work out. No relationship is perfect, and no relationship with eternally exist in a state of “puppy love.” It just doesn’t work that way.

2 – Would I rather be partying and meeting one-night-stands or settling down? This is a toughy. There’s something mysterious and fun about the playboy lifestyle that, at some point, intrigues most of us. For the most part, I think this is a stage we go through. The important part here is that stages end, and you won’t exist in this mindset your entire life. Knowing when to draw the line is not so clear cut, but you should weigh the options. For instance, will you completely lose a potential long-term partner for a few exciting orgasms? And is that worth it to you?

3 – Could I live with this person? While not all long-term couples end up living with each other, it’s certainly a part of life for the majority. A good friend of mine told me not long ago that you can teach a dog a few new tricks – like throwing away their trash, putting their dirty clothes in the hamper, and putting the toilet seat back down – but that you cannot completely change the way that dog acts. If you do give the whole living together thing a shot, make sure it’s a temporary situation that can be ended within a reasonable amount of time. In other words, your first living together experience probably shouldn’t involve purchasing a home. Rent an apartment instead.

4 – The case of the “what ifs!” This is a personal circumstance that I think some of you can probably relate to. When your first serious relationship is your only relationship (as in, historically), you’re going to wonder what life would have been like had you dated someone else. Another friend of mind told me that’s just the way it is. And he’s probably right. If you haven’t dated much (or at all) and you jump into a long-term relationship, you will wonder “what if.” If the “what ifs” get the best of you, go and see for yourself. You probably won’t be satisfied until you do.

I think that’s it for now. I’ll come back to the subject often, and I invite you to send in your own tips for long-term dating in the gay world. Simply comment below or send an e-mail to me at josh@gayinathens.com.