I was chit-chatting with a couple friends after dinner a couple weeks ago, and we got to talking about how there’s a lot of talk out there about “how to get a guy/gal,” but the focus too infrequently is on how to maintain a relationship. I think there are a couple reasons for this:
1 – The idea that, “We can’t get married, so why should we bother trying?” Sure, we can’t get married in Georgia – yet! But that doesn’t mean we should avoid long-term relationships. If you find yourself in a relationship that feels “right,” I’m personally of the mindset that you should at least try to foster it. Now, that’s assuming that you’re interested in long-term relationships. Let’s face it – some of us just aren’t that into the idea of settling down F O R E V E R with one person, but others are. Don’t let the title of marriage get in the way of what you want.
2 – The idea that gay relationships never last that long anyways. Wrong – flat out. There are plenty of gay relationships that are quite long-term, and yes, gay couples often span lifetimes. In Athens alone, I know of at least a couple dozen gay partnerships that have persisted more than a decade. What you see on television may represent gays as perpetually promiscuous – and even sometimes devoid of a sexual life – but that’s not necessarily the case. Gay relationships endure just like straight relationships.
In it for the long haul
If you’ve been struggling in a relationship that’s teetering on the edge of becoming a long-term, committed relationship, there are a few things you need to think about. Here are the questions I play in my own head with regularity.
1 – Do I love, like unconditionally love, this person? If your answer is yes, then you probably ought to give this whole lifetime commitment a shot. But if your answer is no, or “I don’t know!”, there’s still a chance that things could work out. No relationship is perfect, and no relationship with eternally exist in a state of “puppy love.” It just doesn’t work that way.
2 – Would I rather be partying and meeting one-night-stands or settling down? This is a toughy. There’s something mysterious and fun about the playboy lifestyle that, at some point, intrigues most of us. For the most part, I think this is a stage we go through. The important part here is that stages end, and you won’t exist in this mindset your entire life. Knowing when to draw the line is not so clear cut, but you should weigh the options. For instance, will you completely lose a potential long-term partner for a few exciting orgasms? And is that worth it to you?
3 – Could I live with this person? While not all long-term couples end up living with each other, it’s certainly a part of life for the majority. A good friend of mine told me not long ago that you can teach a dog a few new tricks – like throwing away their trash, putting their dirty clothes in the hamper, and putting the toilet seat back down – but that you cannot completely change the way that dog acts. If you do give the whole living together thing a shot, make sure it’s a temporary situation that can be ended within a reasonable amount of time. In other words, your first living together experience probably shouldn’t involve purchasing a home. Rent an apartment instead.
4 – The case of the “what ifs!” This is a personal circumstance that I think some of you can probably relate to. When your first serious relationship is your only relationship (as in, historically), you’re going to wonder what life would have been like had you dated someone else. Another friend of mind told me that’s just the way it is. And he’s probably right. If you haven’t dated much (or at all) and you jump into a long-term relationship, you will wonder “what if.” If the “what ifs” get the best of you, go and see for yourself. You probably won’t be satisfied until you do.
I think that’s it for now. I’ll come back to the subject often, and I invite you to send in your own tips for long-term dating in the gay world. Simply comment below or send an e-mail to me at josh@gayinathens.com.
| November 9, 2009 | 7:00 pm |
Vidur Kapur, a gay comedian, will be found tantalizing UGA students on Nov. 9 at the Tate Center Theater on campus.
Kapur, often seen on Fox, VH1, and MTV, is an acclaimed comedian who happens to be gay. His performances have earned him a nomination for LOGO’s “NewNowNext” award.
The event is being sponsored by Lambda Alliance, the UGA Indian Cultural Exchange, the UGA Hispanic Student Association, and the UGA Caribbean Student Association. It is free to UGA students.
More about Kapur from his Web site:
Vidur Kapur was selected as a New York finalist by NBC’s “Stand Up for Diversity” initiative and performed as part of the famous New York Comedy Festival where he was described as “A comedian to remember”. After an phenomenally successful showcase at the NACA National convention, Vidur’s act is being demanded by colleges all over the US and he is likely to be one of the top 3 acts booked on US college campuses for ‘08 -’09.
Vidur was selected as one of the top four Asian comics in North America to perform at the world famous “Just for Laughs” Comedy Festival in Montreal in July 2006. Vidur and his stand up comedy are the subject of a short film called “Laughing Out Loud: A Comic Journey” by director Shalini Kantayya which was shown on Steven Spielberg’s “On The Lot” on FOX television. This film was voted as the favorite film by Michael Bay, Director of Transformers and by the other contestants on the show. He has co-starred with Margaret Cho and NBC’s Last Comic Standing Finalist Michele Balan in MTV LOGO’s “Outlaugh Festival on Wisecrack”.
| November 20, 2009 | 8:30 am | to | 7:00 pm |
Athens, Georgia , October 28, 2009 — The University of Georgia, Division of Student Affairs and Department of Intercultural Affairs’ LGBT Resource Center welcomes Dr. Stephanie Dykes who will visit on November 16th to honor transgender lives lost which is observed on November 20th.
Transgender Day of Remembrance honors the memory of those who have lost their lives to hatred and prejudice based on their gender identity and/or expression. The event is held in November to honor Rita Hester, whose murder on November 28, 1998 inspired a San Francisco candlelight vigil and web project in 1999 aptly titled, “Remembering Our Dead.” Rita Hestor’s murder – like most anti-transgender murder cases – has yet to be solved.
“Despite the challenges transgender people face, we are survivors who live authentic lives in the face of adversity,” says keynote speaker, Dr. Stephanie Dykes. Dr. Stephanie Dykes is a transgender activist and has spoken on transgender issues at several national and regional conferences, including the National Women’s Studies Association, the American Men’s Studies Association, and the Southeastern Women’s Studies Association. She has been an invited speaker at numerous colleges and universities including Georgia College and State University, Valdosta State University, University of Wisconsin-Parkside, Eastern Kentucky University, and Western Carolina University. Dr. Dykes earned her PhD from the University of South Carolina, and completed her undergraduate work at Clemson University
The LGBT Resource Center will present a display on Tate Plaza commemorating transgender lives lost in the past year from 2008-2009.
Lambda Alliance, a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and ally student-based organization, will host “Lunch with Lambda” beginning at 12pm in Memorial Hall, room 407. Lunch will be provided for the first 30 participants.
At 2:30pm there will be an educational seminar in the Georgia Center, Room E for faculty, staff, and administrators campus-wide to come and learn about best practices for working with transgender students.
Dr. Dykes will deliver her keynote address, “The Price of Authenticity” on Monday at 7:00pm in Miller Learning Center, room 148.
Thank goodness nature was on our side and the rain seemed to stop just as we arrived at Piedmont Park, and held off for the two or three hours we spent perusing the vendors’ booths.
More than 200 businesses and organizations lined Piedmont Park’s sidewalks, and an even more diverse group of onlookers bought goodies, read literature, talked with volunteers, and checked out new gear. Among the vendors were Georgia Equality, the Human Rights Campaign, a number of outdoor groups, and even some of the naughtier variety – such as Broke Straight Boys, Find Fred (my vote for best-looking salesman! photo), and Cockula.
Pride was, as always, a great opportunity to meet and mingle with new and old friends, and to experience an environment that is “homonormative,” if you will. In one of Atlanta’s gayest neighborhoods, Pride in the ATL brings about a community of hard working, fun-loving folks who happen to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans or a supporter of what we’re doing. Besides a couple of far-right Christian protesters at the entrance to the park, Piedmont really lived up to its reputation as one of the gay-friendliest places in the Peach State this weekend.
We enjoyed ourselves, and enjoyed seeing a number of our readers there this weekend – some who we’d never met before until you recognized us walking around this weekend.
I hope you’ll think about coming to Athens’ own Pride events next April. While not the same as offered in Atlanta or other large cities, Athens Pride is a good opportunity to show your support of the LGBTQA community in your own hometown, and to possibly meet some new friends.
| November 2, 2009 | 5:30 pm |
What does it mean to be pansexual? Ever wondered what the difference between sex and gender is?
“Now’s the time to clear the air and get on the same page,” said Cody Houseman, Lambda Alliance’s information director, in a recent e-mail.
The University of Georgia’s LGBTQ student organization, Lambda Alliance, is offering up an opportunity to brush up on your LGBTQ terminology tonight at their weekly meeting. If you’ve been struggling to comprehend and discuss sometimes sticky situations because your vocabulary isn’t quite up to par, now’s your opportunity to ask those in the know.
The open meeting will be held by a number of “special guests” who will discuss such issues as sexual orientation, gender identity, etc. All respectable questions are fair game for the evening’s discussion.
The meeting will be held at 5:30 p.m. in room 221 of Memorial Hall on the UGA campus. For more information, visit Lambda Alliance’s Web site.
| November 15, 2009 | 10:30 am | to | 2:00 pm |
The Boybutante AIDS Foundation, best-known for its annual Boybutante Ball in April, will host a fabulous “Drag Brunch” in a couple weeks at The National.
The brunch, held at one of Athens’ gay-owned and gay-friendly restaurants, will feature a number of Athens’ better-known and less-known drag queens in an effort to raise funds that will help fund HIV/AIDS prevention services offered through AIDS Athens.
Here’s the best part – you’ll be served by the queens! And every now and then, everything will halt and one drag queen will be beckoned to perform – at a moment’s notice. This surely will be the most entertainment (save that snake handling church I keep hearing about on the other side of town!) you can get for $10 in Athens on a Sunday morning.
So mark your calendars now for brunch with the queens on Sunday Nov. 15, 2009 from 10:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. at The National in downtown Athens. Bring $10 and some extra cash to buy drinks and to tip the performers. For more information, you can visit the Boybutante Web site.
| October 30, 2009 | to | November 1, 2009 |
Atlanta’s biggest gay event is on tap this weekend as the Atlanta Pride Parade and Festival make their way back to Piedmont Park. The event, similar to other Pride events, consists of a large festival featuring a number of vendors and a parade that will knock your socks off.
Athens even has its own spot in the parade, which you can be a part of. If you’re interested in marching with the Athens contingency, e-mail me (josh@gayinathens.com) ASAP and I will put you in touch with the right folks.
You can expect to get a real feel for the diversity within the LGBTQ community this weekend and also meet some great new folks. Coupled with Atlanta’s famed gay nightlife, you can make an entire weekend around the Pride events.
For more information, visit the Atlanta Pride Committee Web site.
In an e-mail to the LGBTQA community in Athens, Pastor Renee DuBose said the following:
Are you (or someone you know) an answer to our prayers? AND are we the answer to one of your needs for a great part time job with great people that will add additional income to your monthly budget?
Our Hope MCC is looking for our next director of music/leader of congregational singing. Ms. Deanna Allen has done an excellent job & due to needed changes in her schedule, she is no longer able to lead our choir as well as our weekly Sunday congregational singing. The Board of Directors for Our Hope MCC is seeking a person who wants to “grow with us” by leading our choir as well as Sunday congregational singing.
Our Hope MCC is a progressive Christian community of faith that believes that God’s love is for everyone! Our community of faith is open to all….GLBTQ as well as straight allies. If you or someone you know is interested in serving at Our Hope MCC…please contact me at ourhope@aol.com or 706-202-3723. Feel free to forward your resume or note of interest by Wednesday, November 4.
Just thought I’d throw this out there. OHMCC did not pay for this listing.
| October 28, 2009 | 6:30 pm |
Athens Casuals, the area’s gay men’s dinner club, will dine tonight at Amici Italian Cafe in downtown Athens. This quaint Italian joint is fairly priced and offers up some pretty good food. I personally think their pizza is quite tasty. Amici is located at 233 East Clayton St., just past the junction of College Avenue and Clayton Street. The guys will gather for dinner around 6:30 p.m.
Athens Casuals meets weekly for dinner at a restaurant in the area or at a member’s home for a potluck. In addition, the group often hosts special get-togethers, such as pool parties, movie parties, etc. There is no membership fee and anyone is welcome to join, says group leader Mike Chadwick.
For more information, see our archived articles about Athens Casuals here.
Columnist Max Marceau blasted Obama for supporting civil unions over marriages for gay and lesbian couples. Marceau also criticizes citizens – gay and straight – for not “taking to the streets” in defense of equal rights, not “similar rights.”
Here’s what he has to say:
His promises are great. His speeches are even better. But President Barack Obama’s flip-flopping stance on gay rights leaves me doubtful of his promises for equality.
Homosexuals do not have the same rights as other Americans, plain and simple. And that means America is not an entirely free nation. And that, in turn, means everyone – straight as well as gay – should be taking to the streets.
Why? Because when you deprive someone of equal rights based on who they are – race, gender, sexual orientation – you create an unbalanced society, one that is not fair or free.
As a gay rights activist, I’ve followed closely Obama’s stance on gay rights, curious about what changes he will make as president.
As a senator, Obama strongly supported gay marriage. He is quoted in the Windy City Times as saying: “I favor legalizing same-sex marriages, and would fight efforts to prohibit such marriages.”
“Fight,” for legalizing same-sex marriage? A bold promise to make. Yet, as president, he has made his opposition to gay marriage clear.
For example, his administration voted in favor of the Marriage Defense Act – prohibiting same-sex marriage.
Obama claims his Christianity is no reason for opposing gay marriage. But his actual statements say the opposite: “I try not to have my religious beliefs determine my political views on this issue [gay marriage]. I do believe that tradition, and my religious beliefs say that marriage is something sanctified between a man and a woman.”
His religion doesn’t have a swaying influence?
Though he does not support gay marriage, Obama does support civil unions for same-sex couples that offer rights and protections similar to those offered by marriage.
This is what really gets me. Since when was America, founded on the principle of freedom, about offering similar rights?
Unlike marriage, civil unions are not recognized by the federal government, so same-sex couples would not receive the same tax breaks and protections heterosexual couples do.
There are over 1,000 benefits and protections available to married couples, including survivor benefits through Social Security, obtaining family health insurance through an employer, hospital visits to a sick spouse. Many of these are exempt from civil unions.
Why are these rights and protections for gays just “similar,” and not equal?
Continue reading … here.
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