Your Story
A significant step in any LGBT person’s life is coming out to their family and friends. As many of you know, this can be an overwhelming and difficult time for you and those who you are sharing the news with.
We’re asking you to take a few minutes out of your busy schedules to write up your own coming out story. Whether you’ve come out to family, friends, or both, we’d like to hear how things went for you. If you’d like, your submission can be anonymous. Just be sure to put a note in your e-mail to let us know you want us to keep your name confidential.
Be sure to include when you came out, how old you were at the time, who you came out to, how you did it, what their reaction was, and how things have progressed since then.
Your story can help others with their own struggles. Please, share today.
Below are previously submitted coming out stories from GayInAthens.com readers.
Where’s God?: Ande’s coming out story
Last modified on 2009-04-01 23:15:45 GMT. 3 comments. Top.
Ande Stone explores his own struggles to be himself and worship his God.
There once was this boy who lived in a po-dunk town in southwest Georgia. He was an overachieving white boy who just couldn’t seem to not be involved. He went to one of the best high schools in his county and worked really hard at everything he was involved in. He had good friends and genuinely loved every one of them. He went to a local southern baptist church and deeply loved Jesus with all his heart.
Ah, here’s where it gets interesting. This boy from an early age had struggled with a part of his identity. He struggled with understanding it, controlling it, and changing it. He had always been told it was wrong and that the God he loved so much was hurt by this part of him. So he did everything he could to remove this part of himself from his life. He prayed, he fasted, he did everything he could to try and change. After all, sin can be overcome by the sanctifying grace of the Spirit, right? Well after expecting to be changed and not changing for several years, let’s just say this boy had his fair share of emotional break downs, you know the kind where you have to pull over the car because you can’t see clearly and you just sit there and cry out to God, “why me?” Yeah, that kind. The kind where you’re infuriated by your deep sense of helplessness. But he thought it was all just a test of faith and that surely God would deliver him from this evil.
Well in the meantime people from school asked him questions, questions they had no possible way of knowing other than making assumptions based on stereotypes. Some made fun, some theorized, and some allowed themselves to think of him as a person instead of attempting to make judgments on elements of the boy’s life that were in fact deeply painful to him (not that any of the previous actually cared about the consequences, so long as their personal judgments were vindicated and they were right). He hated participating in athletic events for fear of being in a locker room where his body might involuntarily react to images outside of his control. He almost threw up a couple of times early on in high school just thinking about going to swim practice during the last period of the day. So, why couldn’t he change? He did everything he could, and he wanted so badly to not push his God away.
He wondered why people judged him, why he was ashamed of himself when he constantly tried to please God and be a good and moral person, and why God wouldn’t change him after all that shame and suffering and internalized self hatred. He prayed and studied scripture and allowed himself to open up. He told his closest friends, he told his youth minister, and his parents and he prayed. He was lucky, he was finally able to accept himself and understand that maybe he didn’t change because God didn’t want him to change. Maybe he wasn’t the problem. He realized God had made him stronger through this experience.
This boy was me, and I went through this entire story to explore coming out from a different perspective perhaps than what many are forced to experience. My friends cried with me, my youth minister supported me, and my family loved me. The problem came not from others, but from myself and my struggle with faith. Once I opened up to God and actually listened instead of asking for change, I became free.
- From Ande Stone from Athens, Georgia
My family shocked me: Jonathon’s coming out story
Last modified on 2009-04-02 12:24:11 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
I guess I should start off with the whole “I have kinda known my entire life” cliché. Which, in a way, I guess I have known my entire life. I never really liked getting dirty (seriously, I hate getting dirt on me) and I was never that much interested in what other people would think to be “guy” things, like sports, wrestling, Nascar, etc.
However, I didn’t really start accepting that I was attracted to guys till I was about 15. The first person I came out to was my ex-girlfriend. I remember telling her that I thought I was bi. She asked if I meant bi-polar to which I responded that no, I meant bisexual. The only reason I came out as bi at first was because I figured that would be considered at least a little better than a “homo,” though she soon figured out that I was just gay.
From there, I told more and more of my closest friends. Essentially all of my friends knew before my grandparents or even my dad. And throughout this whole “coming out” business, all I heard was positive support. The only really “negative” thing I heard was from my best friend when he said that he didn’t condone what I was doing but that he would not shut me out just for that.
I did eventually come out to my grandmother and that was Thanksgiving Day of 2007 (weird how you remember odd dates like that). I woke her up around 10 or so at night asking if we could talk. She asked me what was wrong and I just stammered and stuttered out that I am gay. I truly thought that she was going to go “anti-gay” on me and send me to one of those “camps” which is why I waited till I had turned 18, nothing she could legally do. However, I was very wrong. All she did was ask if I was sure and I nodded my head. I was unable to speak because I had this knot in my throat and it did not help matters any that I was crying either. She said that was okay and that she believed that these things were inborn. That literally blew me away because it was the complete opposite reaction that I had planned for. She said she will always love me and just wants me to be happy.
As for my dad, well … I came out to him the day after graduation (again the weird dates). The night before I told him that I had something to tell him, and he told me he would swing by the house before he left to go back to Alabama the next day. Well, the next day came and so did he. We went outside and I told him that I did not know how to say this but I’m gay. Again, I was completely blown away by his reaction because he just responded with the same question my grandmother asked. I said that yes I was sure. He asked if it had something to do with what happened earlier in life; I said that it could be a possible trigger but they have pretty much proved it’s genetic. The entire time he was supportive and the only reason it blew me away was because I remember him saying when I was young that if I ever brought another guy home he would disown me.
I have been utterly blessed by someone or something or maybe just a stroke of improbable luck to have such positive responses to me coming out. And I am completely thankful for my family being supportive and loving me the same.
- From Jonathon Vernon of Winder, Georgia
The L Word: Meagan B’s coming out story
Last modified on 2009-03-20 13:00:20 GMT. 2 comments. Top.
Showtime's hit series, The L Word, gave Meagan B. the "inspiration and strength" to come out.
I have been out for about a year-and-a-half now. By out I mean I confirmed it for my mom and family. Everyone pretty much had a clue. It happened the day before Thanksgiving in 2007.
I was learning to be comfortable with myself and live freely as much as I could being under my parents roof still. I was a little late getting pulled into the “L word scene” and had bought the DVD sets to do some catching up. One day I got a little brave and decided to watch while my parents were home. Of course that’s when my mom decides to come in my room and I guess she saw me scramble to stop the DVD. She got suspicious and asked what I was watching and before I could answer, she ejected my DVD. I had planned on coming out to her soon but this changed things a little.
I left the room to gather my thoughts, knowing what was coming. When I came back, she sat looking at me holding the DVD in her hand. She asked what “The L Word” was about and I explained. Still staring me down, she asked if I was a lesbian and, without even thinking twice, I replied, “Yes I am.”
A lot of things changed with those three words. I definitely did not have a quiet afternoon that day. My mom expressed her disappointment (a lot) but would always follow it up with, “I’ll love you no matter what.”
Naturally not soon after, the rest of my family happened to know and their reactions were about the same.
Still to this day, my mom and family hasn’t accepted it and chooses to ignore that day like it never happened. I still get the “your prince charming will come along” talks. We have still remained close and always will. I, however, don’t ignore it along with them. I’ve come to terms with being who I am. My family, without even realizing it that day in 2007, taught me that no one can take that away with any amount of words.
I do think its safe to say, however, (as silly as it may sound) that something as small as that TV show gave me the inspiration and strength to do something I couldn’t bring myself to do in a time of feeling so alone.
Turns out, I was never alone.
Telling my mom: Ravi Batra’s story
Last modified on 2009-03-21 16:05:48 GMT. 1 comment. Top.
Ravi Batra is currently involved in the Atlanta Steering Committee for the Human Rights Campaign. He is also interning at Lambda Legal.
Today is the day I told my mom about my homosexuality. I told my mom I wanted to go out to eat, just me and her. She kept on insisting we should bring my dad along and I gave her an apathetic sigh, because I knew my dad was nearby and I didn’t want him to get offended. However, in the end, my mom went to IHOP with just me. When we got to IHOP, we spent 10 minutes looking at the menu; 10 buying minutes of nervousness. Then, I brought it up. With angst, I asked, “So when do I get to tell you what’s important?” She replied, “Tell me whenenver?” I stated it was hard and I did not know how to bring it up. She encouraged me and told me to talk to her as if she’s my friend.
So, I came out with it.
“Mom, you know the other day when I told you I don’t like girls?”
“Yeah? What happened?”
“Nothing happened … It’s just because … I like boys.”
“Well, yeah, you have more guy friends than girl friends.”
“No, Mom, that’s not what I mean …”
I tried to talk to her in Hindi about it, because then it might be easier for her to understand. Ironically, she only understood when I came out with the word “gay.” She seemed very disappointed as if I lacked something. She kept implying that I would be able to change back if I stopped thinking about guys right now. I insisted that I don’t want to change back.
We left IHOP at that.
My mom told my dad about it.
Before my mom went to sleep, I asked her if she wanted to make tea with me. (I love iced chai tea.) My mom mentioned she told my dad and he was suspecting it. How could he not suspect it. I left signs everywhere intentionally. I’m glad he noticed it. But, he never asked me about it. So we went downstairs and talked some more.
She then brought up the argument that maybe it’s just a false notion. I had a hard time proving to her that I’m homosexual. She asked me, have you ever done anything with a girl? I said no. Have you ever done anything with a guy? I said, “a little… but nothing too horribly bad.” I emphasized I have not done anything wrong and I have never lied to them. I know I didn’t tell them the truth, but I did not deny anything at the same time.
So, I told her that I’d have a hard time proving it to her, but I just know inside. There is a feeling I get when I’m around girls and when I’m around guys … I don’t want to change. I know my mind has been set to think this way over time and there is no way I want to change it.
Before my mom went to sleep she said it’s okay. She’s willing to accept it as impossible to change me. She kept smiling and saying to be stress-free and to not worry about it. I love my mom.
I’m Out: Davy’s coming out story
Last modified on 2009-03-05 20:50:04 GMT. 0 comments. Top.
Submit your own coming out story and be entered to win a GayInAthens.com shirt! Click the photo to learn more.
Below you’ll find a user-submitted “coming out story.” This submission is part of our mission to compile a number of firsthand accounts of coming out. Our ultimate hope is that these stories will empower and assist others in their own journeys. You can tell your story by clicking here. Anonymous submissions are welcome. Those who submit before March 31 at 5 p.m. will be entered to win a free GayInAthens.com T-shirt.
I’ve been out for a little over three years now. I count my “coming out day” as the day that I told my dad because he’s the one that mattered the most to me. I told friends of mine first and most of them didn’t have a problem and the ones that did pretty much only made some snide comments. I had asked my parents if I could go see a psychologist and so I’d been going to these appointments for a couple of weeks when I met a guy and talked to him online. The day before Thanksgiving in 2005 was the first time I met the guy (and his mother). I was literally freaking out about meeting him because I didn’t know what to expect. He, his mother, and I sat and talked for a while. We were 16. When I got home I talked to him on the phone for a while. Around the time that my dad was heading to bed I went to his room and told him I wanted to talk. I started crying before I told him what it was I wanted to talk about.
My dad told me that he didn’t like that I was gay, but that I’m his son and he loved me anyway. He asked if I wanted him to tell the rest of the family and I let him. So I’ve been out for three years now and my dad has met a couple of boyfriends/friends of mine. He’s understanding and doesn’t really seem to mind anymore.
Remember, I come from a small town where the county’s population is less than 10,000 people. The guy that I met that gave me the courage to come out is still one of my good friends. I even went to my junior prom with him. I embraced my homosexuality and I have yet to be disappointed in doing so!
By Davy from Athens, Georgia
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